Pre-Retirement Days

 When my husband and I were still in the thick of kids in school, sports, dance, summer jobs for all the them, both of us working. Trying to figure out what we were actually doing with our lives. Every hour of most days scheduled out to the minute, we were also coming to the realization that these kids were getting close to being out of the house and then what?  Now I must say we are very independent people. Even when we were dating in college he would go out with his friends and I with mine, then meet up, all of us at the end of the night for some greasy food only college kids will eat in the wee hours of the morning.  For most of our marriage we worked opposite shifts, seeing each other for family dinner with the kids or maybe at the gym before work for me, on the way home for him.

So the thought of being home alone again in the house without the three distractions we had brought into this world seemed slightly daunting. When #1 was in college and #2 on the way there, leaving #3 in middle school, cue huge attitude, we decided we needed some practice retirement days.  And what would such days consist of you ask.  Well that is the million dollar question is it not? If you can believe it there are people we have all come across in our working lives that continue to work and work and work long past what I personally believe should be the time to retire. It is not that they are no longer capable, but aren't they tired? I am!. I got my first job when I was 13 and many times worked more than one job at a time. All of that in hopes of retiring and enjoying my 'hobbies' and interests on a full time basis. That being said, I DO have hobbies and interests dare I say maybe more than any sane person should have. I am also aware this is probably not the norm, so I get it. I'm just saying for me, I couldn't wait to start working because I didn't love school. I also did not relish the lifestyle of the starving crafter/artist/freelancer. So here I am jack of all trades, master of none as they say and I'm ready to spend my days doing it all!

Getting back to the topic at hand, we started by just clearing a week day. One we both had off work; maybe twice a month.  We made a list which usually consisted of Costco, Home Depot and possibly some sort of garden center if it was the right time of year.  There were usually a couple of things we actually needed, but it was a lot wandering around and thinking about things we might need and why and where we would put them. If that discussion came to a legitimate conclusion the thing what-ever-it-was, would be purchased. There might also be a quick lunch, or coffee. A late night trip to some dive-y place for pie, which at our age was often heartburn inducing. You only live once; right?!

The maiden voyage involved a lot of "Where are we going?", "Oh, I don't usually go this way.", "Why are you looking at that?", "What are you doing?" usually on my part. Met with, "Well I don't know how I have survived the last 50+ years without this level of monitoring." on his part.  There was a definite adjustment period, but the thing we did learn was that we do still like each other enough to spend time together without the distraction of a day-in-the-life of a family of 5.  AND...we remain very independent people.

So, we will not be the couple golfing together with the matching outfits, starting an Etsy shop making the craft show rounds in an RV, or even joining the same church committee. We WILL be the couple that laughs until we snort, can appreciate a good dinner out knowing there must always be dessert, will remain a unified front against whatever the 3 offspring bring to us good or bad.

All that being said, we had a fantastic 'pre-retirement day' last week.  We packed up my paddle board and his bike and headed for a local lake.  It was a sunny day but not scorching hot. I hit the water and he the trail. We both had a great time doing what we enjoy best, with plenty of observations to report back to each other on the way home.

It has never been that we don't want to spend time together, but sometimes, if you are never apart you can lose sight of how much you appreciate each other and all the little things you bring to each other. I can’t imagine having any other kind of relationship, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Family Milestones - Adventure Awaits!

 Twenty five years ago we were waiting to have our first child.  All the worry, anxiety, anticipation, fear, exhaustion of pregnancy ending in a summer full of 100 degree days that are rare in Oregon. Which is why I found myself in an un air-conditioned house wondering if this baby would ever come. He was only a few days late but it seemed like an eternity.

He did arrive after 24 hours of labor and good enough sized 8 lbs and 8 ounces. Then starts the worrying and the day to day adventures. Colic, first teeth, colds, falls, crawling, walking, talking.

You wonder if they will ever do this or that and then when they do, you think, "Why was I in such a hurry for that to happen?"

You go back to work, they go to daycare. Then you trust some teenager with your precious baby while you try to go out to dinner, only to talk about them the entire time and come home early because you can't think of anything else to do.

Kindergarten, first communion, sports, middle school band, plays, choir, on and on the milestones stacking up. Good grades, missed assignments, poor decisions, tears, driver's license, jobs, high school graduation. Moments of supreme pride, self doubt and tearful disappointment.

College. With all the things. Parties, bars, roommates, first time independent decisions far from home or any sort of safety net. - Oh yeah, classes. 

Military boot camp, cars, more decisions, more work, more jobs, more classes, covid, deployment. All of these things a parental emotional roller coaster with us wearing out our rosary beads as an adult life emerges.

This is how we found ourselves making the 1 1/2 hr drive to see our firstborn graduate from college. We left in plenty of time to make the trip, pick up child #1 and get to the arena where the doors opened for first come first serve seating an hour prior to the 1pm ceremony. I wanted to try and get a family picture since all children were present and we had a built in photographer with kid #2's boyfriend.

Roughly 30 miles from our destination interstate traffic came to a complete halt. We had just passed an interchange and were at the point of no return to utilize it. We were however situated at the end of an entrance ramp. It only took about a minute for us to decide to drive up the on ramp and strike out to try and bypass whatever was causing this back up. Enter online navigation. My husband, our youngest and I were in the truck. #2 and her boyfriend were following. We turned on the first road that would take us around and then back to the interstate. #2's navigation took them a different route. - Thank goodness.

Roughly 15 min later we were stuck on an unmaintained road, heavy rain overnight making the 4WD totally ineffective. We watched as other cars and trucks came over the hill. My husband trying to warn them away as he walked to the nearest farm in search of rescue. When a second truck buried their front end in the roadside ditch ahead of us we phoned #2, told her to get in touch with #1 and continue to graduation and secure seats. 

Confidently calling AAA in case there was no one home at the farm we were notified that "due to increased activity in our area" we could expect a tow in 4 HOURS! To say the least, not the words we were hoping to hear. 

Karmically rewarded for leading ok lives the farm was found occupied however his tractor was at another location and we had already proven more than adequately that a pick up would not suffice.

Back at the truck.....the other castaways of the muddy road had recovery boards. (www.usactiontrax.com) Their vehicle was too deep in the ditch to use them, so they brought them to us. 20 minutes later a lot of mud, prayers, crossed fingers, and possibly some swearing we were on our way. A tractor en route for our new acquaintances. 

Having started out the day with plenty of time we were now last minute arrivals. #3 and I were unceremoniously ejected from the vehicle and hurried on foot to the arena. #2 and her boyfriend had secured seats. Whew. Hubby parked the truck and arrived slightly mud spattered but able to signal to #1 that all were present.

As he approached the stage, we anticipated the reading of his name, excited to see it on the big screen as he shook the hand of some academic official. Watching with cameras poised to take photos of him crossing the stage there it was, "Congratulations Graduate". At least we were all there to see.

Crazy Pencil Lady

As you know our #2 is a girl. She is the kind of girl that must have every minute of every day planned and occupied with activities. She is in band, dance, sports, the middle school play. I am her underpaid over worked chauffeur, laundress and chef.

We (I) attempt to keep each activity organized in their own string bag, duffle, backpack so that we are not always loading and unloading said bags. That just leaves school, which is after all her primary occupation at this time in her life, or so we keep telling her. "School" things go in her backpack. It is a huge pink monstrosity that is half as big as her and probably weighs as much.

Now there are things in this backpack that I'm sure have been in there for over a year. This girl is a Magpie. Any little piece of paper, sparkly object, something pink, glittery, you get the idea. Her particular weakness seems to be pencils, Yes I said pencils. 

I know and most people over the age of 30 know that pencils are usually yellow writing utensils with a red  eraser on the top. Of course if you are younger than me, which most people seem to be, pencils are a growth industry.

They have pencils for every holiday, pink camouflage, Tinker Bell, NFL teams, GI Joe. There are infinite possibilities. They come home in every 'goodie bag' from every party. Kids give and exchange them as gifts. It is insane! This is a particular sticking point between my husband and #2. Her hoarding manifests in pencils. Like any self respecting invasive species she seems to shed pencils as she moves through the house. There is at least one pencil in every room of the house, every closet, under all pieces of furniture. They explode from her back pack and seem to crawl from her bedroom under their own power. Side note; none of them has a usable eraser or a lead sharp enough to write with.

How do I know they belong to her you ask? I mean there are 4 other people living in the house. I refer you back to her Magpie tendencies. The offending objects are usually pink, purple possibly green. they are covered with hearts, fairies, kittens or butterflies. Suffice it to say they belong to #2.

One particular frustration fueled exchange between #2 and my husband went something like this. "One day the neighbors are going to call the police because they haven't seen you for a few days and you will be found in a house filled with pencils. You will be using the pencils to heat the house. You will be the Crazy Pencil Lady!". #2's response was an anticlimactic, "Ok, Dad." It effectively ended the conversation.

This is yet another find from the unpublished archives. Added bonus is a trip down memory lane as #2 prepares to leave her first job, teaching at an inner city public school to relocate 2 states away. This move will take place with the reluctant help of her younger brother and her father. (I sadly-read sarcasm-am working) Her father is much put upon (although he would have it no other way) this is communicated by him continually saying, "Don't you have friends? (she does) Your mother and I had friends come and help us load the truck, fed them beer and pizza and we were on our way. We're getting too old to be moving you people around."

As with all things there are moments when she brings me bride's maids dresses to alter, asks me to film her color guard routines that she is now choreographing and being paid for free lance, when she asks me, "Can you please watch my cat until I'm fully moved?" that I think, if only it was as easy as asking her to pick up a few wayward pencils.

-Epilogue- 

It has probably been at least 12 years since the original portion of this post was written. We have 4 collective moves under our belts. Ours including a cross country move and hers to a first apartment living on her own. Yesterday I found a Valentine pencil, -we have been in this newly built house for less than a year- unsharpened, it does have a usable eraser. Time is not a linear thing.

Don't worry, I'm still here!

 It's been a minute. Time has a way of moving forward unimpeded regardless of our documenting and chronicling its every moment.

Now in my 50s, I have one teen left. He is home for the summer, but spends the majority of the year in Arizona where he goes to school. He was back a week and managed with the help of his Dad to get a job for the summer. More than I could have hoped for! Working in the bag room at a country club golf course. More than HE could have hoped for.

The other two are college grads with jobs and lives and officially off of our family payroll, as we say. Successfully launched, as my friend would say.

I am attempting to wean myself from a 32 year adrenaline addiction working in critical care. I won't say I don't miss it. I will say it's better for me, I know that. Will I continue to be good to myself? That remains to be seen.

My husband is retired from law enforcement. He currently lives his best life as a would be farmer, part time morgue attendant and golf starter at the afore mentioned country club. Who says you can't learn new things?

We built a house on 25 acres in a rural setting. We are throughly enjoying the quiet, self sufficiency, hard work and learning new things. Neighbors are kind, welcoming and always willing to help out in a jam. I think they take pity on the town folks that have come to live in the country. It is a very different lifestyle. A change that we were ready for whether we realized it our not.

So it may be that I'm too busy to write or that it is no longer a priority or, I just don't know where it fits in with this new life. It is a learning curve, and we are on it. So stay tuned!