When my husband and I were still in the thick of kids in school, sports, dance, summer jobs for all the them, both of us working. Trying to figure out what we were actually doing with our lives. Every hour of most days scheduled out to the minute, we were also coming to the realization that these kids were getting close to being out of the house and then what? Now I must say we are very independent people. Even when we were dating in college he would go out with his friends and I with mine, then meet up, all of us at the end of the night for some greasy food only college kids will eat in the wee hours of the morning. For most of our marriage we worked opposite shifts, seeing each other for family dinner with the kids or maybe at the gym before work for me, on the way home for him.
So the thought of being home alone again in the house without the three distractions we had brought into this world seemed slightly daunting. When #1 was in college and #2 on the way there, leaving #3 in middle school, cue huge attitude, we decided we needed some practice retirement days. And what would such days consist of you ask. Well that is the million dollar question is it not? If you can believe it there are people we have all come across in our working lives that continue to work and work and work long past what I personally believe should be the time to retire. It is not that they are no longer capable, but aren't they tired? I am!. I got my first job when I was 13 and many times worked more than one job at a time. All of that in hopes of retiring and enjoying my 'hobbies' and interests on a full time basis. That being said, I DO have hobbies and interests dare I say maybe more than any sane person should have. I am also aware this is probably not the norm, so I get it. I'm just saying for me, I couldn't wait to start working because I didn't love school. I also did not relish the lifestyle of the starving crafter/artist/freelancer. So here I am jack of all trades, master of none as they say and I'm ready to spend my days doing it all!
Getting back to the topic at hand, we started by just clearing a week day. One we both had off work; maybe twice a month. We made a list which usually consisted of Costco, Home Depot and possibly some sort of garden center if it was the right time of year. There were usually a couple of things we actually needed, but it was a lot wandering around and thinking about things we might need and why and where we would put them. If that discussion came to a legitimate conclusion the thing what-ever-it-was, would be purchased. There might also be a quick lunch, or coffee. A late night trip to some dive-y place for pie, which at our age was often heartburn inducing. You only live once; right?!
The maiden voyage involved a lot of "Where are we going?", "Oh, I don't usually go this way.", "Why are you looking at that?", "What are you doing?" usually on my part. Met with, "Well I don't know how I have survived the last 50+ years without this level of monitoring." on his part. There was a definite adjustment period, but the thing we did learn was that we do still like each other enough to spend time together without the distraction of a day-in-the-life of a family of 5. AND...we remain very independent people.
So, we will not be the couple golfing together with the matching outfits, starting an Etsy shop making the craft show rounds in an RV, or even joining the same church committee. We WILL be the couple that laughs until we snort, can appreciate a good dinner out knowing there must always be dessert, will remain a unified front against whatever the 3 offspring bring to us good or bad.
All that being said, we had a fantastic 'pre-retirement day' last week. We packed up my paddle board and his bike and headed for a local lake. It was a sunny day but not scorching hot. I hit the water and he the trail. We both had a great time doing what we enjoy best, with plenty of observations to report back to each other on the way home.
It has never been that we don't want to spend time together, but sometimes, if you are never apart you can lose sight of how much you appreciate each other and all the little things you bring to each other. I can’t imagine having any other kind of relationship, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
