Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Mom?, Dad? Would you mind taking a parenting class?

Last weekend my husband and I went to a dinner party.  We were the youngest ones there, which doesn't happen much anymore. Everyone else was about 5-10 years older, so they all already had some grandchildren some for longer than others, but it was obvious everyone was involved with their adult kids and grandkids on a regular basis.

One of the newer grandpas commented that his son's wife had requested that grandma and grandpa take a parenting class before watching the little bundle of joy.  I think my mouth was literally hanging open, I was speechless!  All kinds of things were going through my head! I just looked at my hubby with that, 'can you believe the nerve?!', look on my face.

At this point two of the other couples chimed in saying that they had had similar experiences!  Again total disbelief!  I can't believe what kind of nerve you have to have to ask the people who have raised you, clothed you, fed you, educated you, payed for your wedding and are now offering to watch your children without monetary compensation by the way, because they love that little person you have brought into the world, maybe more than you at this point.

The next day I saw my Dad at the gym and relayed the story to him.  I thought he might fall off the elliptical with laughter! (Which would not be good by the way because at 76 that would be a hip fracture for sure.)  Trying to control his laughter he said, 'Can you imagine what your Mother would have said'?  My response was, 'I know what side my bread is buttered on'!

My mother the queen of brain washing had told me all my life that she would not be babysitting my kids.  Turns out this was just a ploy on her part to deter  any thoughts of teenage pregnancy.  So by the time I had my first baby after being married for 8 years I was having some sort of anxiety disorder about asking her to watch him.  She was the one who offered first and when reminded of her prior statements regarding child care, she said, 'Oh I just wanted to make sure you knew I would not be raising another family'. Ok, score one for Mom.

My parents probably didn't and still don't do things the way I would with the kids, but that's the beauty of grandparents, right? The kids love to go there because it is different.  The routine is different, the food, the way the laundry smells, the outings.  My parents do a lot of things with the kids that they didn't necessarily do with my brother and I because now they have the time.  They don't have jobs, school, and crazy schedules getting in the way.

There is something to be said for being able to have the kids somewhere where you know that they are getting the best treatment ever.  Maybe better than we can give at times because of all the family commitments that we have.  Knowing they are there, I never give a second thought to their well fare or safety.  Truth be told I couldn't afford to leave my kids with anyone that has the experience that they do.  My mom was a pediatric nurse for over 20 years and my dad has a Masters in early childhood education.

I know not everyone's parents have that kind of resume, but they do have one outstanding qualification. They raised you, enough said.  I guess what I'm trying to say is how disrespectful, and ungrateful those kids are to even suggest such a thing.  They are lucky they didn't end up with the 12 year old neighbor watching the kids.  They are also lucky  that they have wise parents who were willing to overlook their temporary insanity.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Pharmacy Drive Up?

As I recently shared, when the drive thru is full I walk in.  So today, 2 car line up at the Walgreens drive thru.  I know the ultimate in laziness, we pull up to receive medications, anyone have a little problem with that?

I went in and walked right up because everyone else, 3 cars now are trying to drive thru.  I even had time to grab a fantastic nail polish.  I like Sally Hansen Insta-Dri.  It goes on great and dries in a second.  Anyway I digress.

As I am completing my transaction the pharmacist goes to the window to commence the 'confidential' consultation through inch thick bullet proof glass using a microphone that blasts through a speaker on the outside of the building.  Of course she is nearly shouting because, after all if you speak loudly enough, comprehension will be increased on the part of the listener.  Really does this technique ever work?

It is always good to know that someone who is DRIVING in a car is getting a prescription for the next higher strength of Vicodin so you can keep a look out for them when you are back on the street. After all as the pharmacist revealed during their private consultation, 'FYI it may cause increased sedation.'

So much for HIPPA.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Thanks Brooke!

Observation of my 13 year old daughter going to get her brows waxed - for the second time.
Mom, did you ever think about how when you go in there they have all the soft music, and candles with the lights low and that weird music and you lay down to relax, and then they put BURNING HOT WAX on your face and RIP OUT all your hairs by the root?

I know you are thinking what does a 13 year old need her brows waxed for?  Several reasons, first and foremost, this is the person whose eyes well up with crocodile tears if I braid her hair too tight, so the thought of plucking out individual eyebrow hairs with her own tweezers is really beyond her comprehension.  Speaking as someone who needs to pluck almost every night to keep the unibrow at bay, I tried to introduce her to the joys and nuances of brow plucking over the summer.  Let's just say it's worth the $16 to have her waxed.

Second and third, Dad, half Italian, Mom, half German.  We are crazy old man eye brow antennaes waiting to happen without regular grooming.  Unfortunately she got the Irish sensitive almost glow in the dark pale skin, but her brows would make Brooke Shields proud.  After all Brooke is the reason all of us coming up in the 80's were able to keep our eyebrows.

Thanks Brooke!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

What do you mean, I need to order flowers?

Ok, so I warned you I was an inconsistent blogger, and having challenged myself to make some sort of daily comment, I will own the fact that I can't do it, and I'm ok with that!  That being said there will always be blog fodder in my life and when the stars align I will have the opportunity to share.

It is hard to get across to 15 year old boys that when it comes to school dances, like homecoming, there are certain things that must be done.

It does not help when Dad is giving him the good old boy party line, - Don't worry about that stuff it's just a dance.

Now I'm not talking about asking her on the jumbo-tron at a Blazer's game, renting a limo, or a violin player to serenade you at dinner.  I'm talking about the BASICS.

- You don't want to totally clash, clothing-wise, so it might be helpful to ask her the color of the dress.  I know I'm asking a lot........

- It is on Saturday night, even when old people like my husband and I go out on a Saturday night we make a reservation.  It's busy!  So maybe finding out if you are going to dinner somewhere other than 5 Guys Burgers and Fries would be in order.  I know CRAZY!

- Flowers are required, period, end of discussion.  I'm playing the 'it's a girl thing' card on this one.

- No you may not wear your black Nikes with dress pants and a blazer.  Some form of dress shoe will be required.  Your only choice here is do you want to shop with me or your father.  He chose Dad.

With the minor details and requirements in order and met, I feel we are at least minimally ready for our first foray into the teenage dance world.

I know we're getting off easy with a jacket, tie, and a pair of dress shoes.  I was a girl once you know.  Hard to believe as that is.  I also know I'm about 2 years away from mani/pedi to match the dress, the dress itself, with the added bonus of the whole 'it's inappropriate' debate that is unavoidable when shopping with teen girls. Not to mention the 'you are going to break your ankle in those shoes' discussion, all topped off with my husband having to face the 'who is this boy' reality of his new phase of life.  Lord help us all!

Thursday, October 17, 2013


I may be wrong, but then again it is my opinion, so I'm just going to go for it.

No one over the age of 5 should refer to their parents, or themselves for that matter, as 'Mommy and/or Daddy'.  Believe it or not I am running into this a lot lately.

Millenials and Gen-Xers, all the way up to Boomers.  It's not good.  Please people have a little self respect!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Challenge yourself

You may have noticed that I am a fairly sporadic blogger.  I am finding it hard to fit into the daily routine.  However, I don't have a quote of the day or any of that sort of thing automatically running on my page, so I thought it an effort to better myself and to keep you coming back for more I would at least try to make a daily observation.  That shouldn't be so hard, should it?  I guess we will see, I may have spoken too soon!  Here we go.

Why is it that we will wait in line at the drive up coffee for 15 min, when we can park, walk up to the window and be out of there in 5?  Are we really that lazy?  For me, if there is a line at the drive through, I'm parking it!  Besides, any exercise is better than none, right?  Not to mention the looks on the faces of the people in their cars in the line as I walk away with my steaming hot coffee.  Good thing I'm not sensitive about those kind of things, it might give a person a complex.  You just have to celebrate the small successes.  Hot coffee and a moderate challenge to your self confidence.  What better way to start the day?  At least no one called me any names, out loud that is.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I stand corrected

OK,  so it has been called to my attention that I have been fortunate to have had a regular period at all so I should just be grateful and shut up about it. OK, I get it! I'm just sayin' it's like one of those secrets that no one ever talks about, but when you have really good friends you realize it's happened to us all we just never say anything.  Like hemorrhoids during pregnancy- and if you didn't have any I don't want to hear about it!  Or having to buy an athletic cup for your 8 year old when your husband is out of town.  That is not my area of expertise, obviously.  Or your teenage daughter is going to completely screw up any sort of cycle you had but to complicate things it could also be 'the menopause' or maybe it's just the brain tumor or alzheimers setting in.  Possibly late onset schizophrenia.  No offense to anyone actually suffering from these disease processes, but you know that's how our brains work some days we get crazy!

In short apologies to all you unfortunate irregular people out there.  I guess I have one more thing to be thankful for.

Monday, October 14, 2013

It's not over 'till it's over.

Waiting for menopause to start is an awful lot like waiting to get your period.  Why do we as teenage girls wait and hope for it, even though our wise mothers tell us not to worry and enjoy it while it lasts.  It's like some big secret we can't wait to have and like many things in life with lengthy anticipation when it is acutually here you wonder- 'What the heck was I all excited about?'

Now at the age of 45, I'm waiting again, for it to be over!  You never know when it will happen.  My mom was 47 when hers started.  My grandma- my mother's mom like many women of that time had a hysterectomy.  My dad's mom and her sister- Great Aunt Mary, well I didn't have the forethought to ask them when they were alive, so that's it, the culmination of my family reproductive history as it applies to menopause, not much help.

To complicate matters, having a 13 year old girl in the house is allowing her raging hormones to ride roughshod over my declining ones.  I have a group of six girlfriends, all of us have daughters in the same class, except for one who has a son.  She just smiles and thanks God for her boys when all these conversations ensue.  It seems that all of our regularly regular, 28 day cycles are bing completely undermined by these girls and their unpredictable super teenage hormones!  After finally figuring our own stuff out, now the girls seem to be running the show.  All of our routines have fallen prey to the erratic whims of the teenage cycle.  They are really messing us up!  Its getting to the point of exasperation.  We're early, we're late its all over the place!

Now I have been regular, every 28 days, for the last 32 years, so if I go on a trip, I know what to pack and when - well I used to anyway...... I am a feminine hygiene product hoarder.  They are everywhere, in the car, in every suitcase, all purses and gym bags, my lunch sack, the kitchen, all bathrooms, my knitting bag - everywhere, usually.......

Recently my husband and I went on a trip to the Dominican Republic.  As I was packing I unearthed the stash in that particular suitcase.  I did the calculations, we'd be home in plenty of time, no need to haul those things all the way to another country, I should have known better!!  The day before we were set to be out on a catamaran tour - all day on the ocean, four days early, a panicked search was on for the afore mentioned products.  Purchased with Dominican Pesos, requested in Espanol, thank goodness for high school Spanish.  I blame my daughter (and so does my husband).

Moral of the story?  The tried and true motto:  It's not over 'till the fat lady sings, or at least until she is officially through with menopause.  So ladies start squirreling away your 'things'.  The teenagers are running the show whether we like it or not.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Science Camp

Dayquil, Halls, travel tissues and Emergen-c because you still have a cold: $25.00
Two vacation days from work: $700.00
Spending a week in the forest with your 13 year old and her class: Priceless

I know its been done but it really does say it all.  There can never be a more fulfilling experience than
spending this time with these kids.  They are trying so hard to be mature, but they are still young enough to be silly and have fun getting muddy and wet hiking around, with messy hair and rain pants on.  (If you don't have experience with rain pants, they are the most unflattering piece of apparel ever made!  No matter who you are.)

You have to snatch up these opportunities when they come along.  They are few and far between!