I was at a conference for the last two days. Being in a primarily female dominated profession, living in the same city for 18 years, let alone working at the same place, in addition to others, you know people. You start seeing people you haven't seen in months, some of them years. The last time you saw them they were younger, thinner, fatter, single, married, didn't have kids, had longer hair, shorter hair, more hair, no gray, bigger boobs, smaller boobs, I could go on forever. How is it that these people change so much and when I look in the mirror, I think I'm mostly the same. I certainly don't really feel any different. I mean obviously the kids are older, we've moved a couple of times, still married, same job, pretty boring really.
People watching is at a premium at these things. What is wrong with us though? Why are we so petty? Notice I said, we? I'll admit it I was thinking it, 'What is she wearing?', 'Oh my gosh she looks old!', 'Please don't ask another question so we can get out of here!' Is there a woman out there who doesn't constantly compare herself to everyone around her? Why do we do it? What is there to gain? Is it some sort of throw back to our hunter/gatherer beginnings? Trying to decide who is the most fit, the most likely to survive the long winter, produce the most offspring. Or is it that we can't just celebrate our accomplishments but have to try and build ourselves up or maybe chastise ourselves based on the progress of others.
This is one of my constant struggles I am truely of two minds. I just need to do my thing and make sure I'm right with myself and my family, it doesn't really matter what anyone else has to say about it. Then again if I am so arrogant as to think that I don't need anyone else, then what? Of course my actions are constantly influenced by others, but is it their opinion that matters or what I perceive their opinion to be?
I am really good at assigning opinions to other people in my mind. Here's the real truth though. Most people couldn't give me or anyone else a second thought. They are so wrapped up in their own business they certainly don't have time to think about whether or not I've worn this sweater recently, notice that I may have gotten a bit over enthusiastic with the eyebrow tweezers or wonder why I haven't gotten around to showering before getting groceries after the gym. It's like my super power.
No matter what I may think, the fact of the matter is no one is that important. We are all just wandering around trying to make sure the kids are fed, laundry is done, bills are paid, groceries purchased, gas in the car, people get to the places they need to, on time and hopefully we do something kind for someone else once in awhile. We are all so busy worrying about our own over scheduled lives we certainly don't have time to worry about anyone else's! At least I hope that's what is going on. You're not all talking about me, are you?